The Most Important Relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
“Love yourself” is advice we hear everywhere, yet it’s often unclear what it actually means or how to do it. Self-love isn’t about being confident all the time or never doubting yourself.
It’s about how you treat yourself—especially on the days when you feel unsure, tired, or not “good enough.”
Some days, self-love feels natural. Other days it feels like work. Both are normal. Loving yourself is a daily choice to speak kindly, to rest when needed, and to keep going even when things aren’t perfect.
To really love yourself means choosing to treat yourself with respect, honesty, and care, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s not about thinking you’re perfect or feeling confident all the time—it’s about how you show up for yourself consistently.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever build.
When you value yourself, you don’t rely on others to define your worth. Well, I wish I had accepted that a lot sooner! I always defined my worth by what people thought of or said about me. And the sad part is, it wasn’t the good things I believed, it was the bad.
In my younger years, if someone had asked me if I loved myself, I would have reluctantly agreed that I did. Knowing what I do now about what it truly means to love yourself, I can say without any hesitation that I most certainly did not.
I constantly looked to others for validation and approval. In fact, I usually did what others advised me to do instead of what made me happy. I continually compared myself to others and based my worth on how people treated me.
I was always so worried about what others thought of me or what they might say that I could never truly be myself.
There were so many times I would question whether I had said or done something wrong, just because of the way someone treated me.
My thoughts back then were something along the lines of “There’s something wrong with me, they don’t like me,” and “I will never be good enough.”
Then, something amazing happened: I realized how people treat or feel about me has nothing to do with me; it has to do with how they feel inside.
Once I learned to love and accept myself, I also realized my worth has nothing to do with others. It has everything to do with how I treat myself.
Now that I truly love myself, I can give my love freely without expecting anything in return. I can live knowing that the love I have for myself is enough, whether someone loves me back or not.
Learning to love yourself is a journey, not a switch you flip. It is a daily practice of choosing compassion over criticism, growth over guilt, and truth over approval.
9 ways to practice self-love
1. Challenge negative self-talk
Your inner voice shapes your reality. If you constantly criticize yourself, it becomes harder to feel confident or peaceful.
Imagine as though you are talking to a friend. Would you speak to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Probably not. We should be kind to ourselves just as we would to our friends. In fact, would you want a friend to speak to you the way you sometimes talk to yourself?
We have thousands of thoughts every day, so it’s entirely normal for some of them to be unpleasant. If it’s a thought that is overwhelming you with negative emotions, you need to question its validity.
Try asking yourself, “Where is the evidence this is true?” If you have no proof that your thought is true, then why waste any more time ruminating over it?
Notice when you’re being harsh with yourself, and choose a more supportive voice over self-criticism.
Change something like, “I’m not good at this,” to “I’m learning, and that’s okay.”
Acknowledge your strengths and your flaws without shaming yourself for either.
Awareness is the first step.
2. Listen or read about self-love every day
This one is a no-brainer. If you want to love yourself, what better way to get there than to listen to all the reasons you should!
I listen to self-improvement books and podcasts every morning. One thing they all talk about is that we have all the love and everything we need inside us.
There is so much information out there about how our minds work, and when you have that knowledge, you can shift your thoughts from self-criticism to self-love.
For me, listening in the morning helps me to get into the right mindset at the start of my day.
If you read as many books as possible and implement your newfound knowledge of self into your life, you are sure to make leaps and bounds in the self-love department.
The books “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay and “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz have changed my life, and I highly recommend them to anyone. While I do have the books myself, I also listened to them on the Audible app, which you can download here for quick, easy listening.
3. Repeat loving affirmations about yourself
One simple but powerful way to build self-love is through affirmations.
Affirmations are positive, supportive statements you repeat to help shape how you think and feel about yourself over time.
When practiced consistently, affirmations can help you build a healthier mindset and a stronger sense of self-love.
Whether you say them in the morning, write them down, or repeat them quietly during the day, affirmations give you a moment to check in with yourself and refocus on kindness and self-respect.
Keep them simple and use them in the present tense. You want to really feel into it and believe what you are saying. So if “I love myself” doesn’t feel believable to you yet, you could change it to ” I am learning to love myself.”
Try to repeat them regularly, and be patient; it takes time.
4. Prioritize self-care
Self-care is one of the most practical ways to build self-love.
To truly love yourself, you must treat your whole being with love and care. Self-care is how self-love shows up in real life. The more you care for yourself, the more you begin to believe you deserve it.
Self-care helps develop self-love by practicing treating yourself like someone who matters. Over time, your actions teach your brain how valuable you are.
Some of the best ways to care for your body and show it love are to get enough sleep, drink water, eat nutritious meals, and exercise.
You don’t have to feel self-love first. Caring actions often come first, and self-love grows naturally afterward.
5. Write, write, and write
Writing nurtures self-love by creating space for honesty, understanding, and kindness toward yourself. The more you write, the more you learn to listen to and respect your own inner voice.
When thoughts stay in your head, they can feel confusing or overwhelming. Writing slows them down and puts them into words, which helps you make sense of what you’re feeling instead of judging it. Understanding yourself is a key part of self-love.
A good way to help foster self-love is to write down all the things you love about yourself. This could include qualities, aspects of your body, and even things others love about you.
Even writing down your affirmations every day will help speed up the process. When you write something down, you are also seeing it and reading it- you are then more likely to believe it!
6. Protect your peace
Surround yourself with loving, supportive people who respect you, and set boundaries to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
If you have people in your life who drain your energy and don’t respect and accept you, it’s more than okay to limit your time with them.
At first, boundaries can feel uncomfortable or even selfish. But boundaries aren’t about rejecting others—they’re about respecting yourself.
7. Limit self-comparisons
Comparison is one of the biggest obstacles to self-love. It’s easy to feel behind when you compare your life to what others share online or around you.
When it comes to others, we never truly see the whole picture. People hide their struggles, and others seem to have it all together, but we can never know what is going on in another person’s head.
Every person has their own journey, and yours is unique to you. We all walk different paths in life, and we all grow at various paces. Focus on your progress and keep taking steps at whatever pace feels right for you.
8. Cultivate self-compassion
When you practice self-compassion, you stop seeing your flaws as proof that you’re unworthy.
Instead of criticizing yourself for struggling, you acknowledge that being human means making mistakes and having difficult emotions.
Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.
Every person on the face of this earth has made mistakes. It is inevitable to live without making mistakes.
Mistakes are essential for learning and building resilience. Instead of criticizing ourselves every time we make a mistake, we need to show ourselves a little bit of compassion for being human.
We can’t eliminate mistakes, but we can choose to see them as opportunities to learn and grow.
Self-love cannot fully exist without self-compassion. Without compassion, self-love becomes conditional—you only like yourself when you succeed.
9. Forgive yourself
Self-compassion creates the emotional safety needed for self-forgiveness. When you’re compassionate with yourself, you’re more willing to admit mistakes without fear of self-attack.
When you can learn to have compassion for yourself, you can learn to forgive yourself.
Self-forgiveness is the ability to let go of resentment toward yourself for past mistakes.
Without self-forgiveness, it’s hard to fully love yourself because you’re constantly holding your past against you.
It doesn’t mean ignoring responsibility or pretending something didn’t matter. It means allowing yourself to grow instead of staying stuck in guilt or shame.
Self-forgiveness involves acknowledging what happened, learning from the experience, and choosing not to punish yourself forever.
Always be kind to yourself
Self-love isn’t about never making mistakes or always feeling confident. It’s about responding to yourself with care instead of punishment.
It isn’t about ignoring flaws or pretending everything is fine. It’s about choosing kindness over criticism, understanding over judgment, and growth over guilt.
It’s easy to be kind to yourself when life is going well—but real self-love shows up in moments of failure, regret, and struggle.
You don’t have to love yourself perfectly. You just have to keep choosing to treat yourself with respect.
And that choice, made over time, changes everything.
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